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what's written

damn... what a curveball.
Thursday. 8.19.04 10:56 pm
so... my life of solitude has grown into complete solitude now. my one and only true friend is gone. fuck me i have no friends.

Cyrus Jones 1810 to 1913
Made his great granchildren believe
You could live to a hundred and three
A hundred and three is forever when you're just a little kid
So Cyrus Jones lived forever

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger

Muriel Stonewall
1903 to 1954
She lost both of her babies in the second great war
Now you should never have to watch
Your only children lowered in the ground
I mean you should never have to bury your own babies

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger

Ring around the rosey
Pocket full of posey
Ashes to ashes
We all fall down

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger

Little Mikey Carson 67 to 75
He rode his
Bike like the devil until the day he died
When he grows up he wants to be Mr. Vertigo on the flying trapeze
Ohhh, 1940 to 1992

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Feel the rain
I can feel the rain
Gravedigger

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bulimia and self-indulgence
Saturday. 8.14.04 12:38 pm
as with most blogs we're supposed to discuss something interesting, but this will lack that all together because there is nothing interesting to think about on a saturday morning. so i woke up early and its my weekend off from work, a much needed weekend off at that and i think i'll have to spend most of my morning cleaning - which is never any fun for me if you know what my room looks like right now. work is all right, i'm getting used to the motions and screwing up less and less. yesterday the DON bought me popeye's for lunch. i think things are getting better there. also, it was hawaii day and we had a 'beach' party for the residents and housed adopt-a-pet. so we had music going in the dining room and noisy conversations in the front lobby full of aww's and ooh's as nurses and residents and visitors flocked around the dogs, petting them and talking babytalk to them. it was a really big distraction, but somehow i got everything i needed to finish this week done.

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polyvinyl records
Thursday. 7.29.04 6:12 pm
has great music. now i know where my paycheck is going.

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Go Sam Go!
Thursday. 7.29.04 8:31 am
get off the tracks, always the same things on your mind everything that you deserve, and how you've been denied it you want it all so bad, no matter what you have can't be satisfied, with anything less than more think you've made it, close your eyes, and open up your hands while you were waiting, someone left footprints in your back your white leather couch is with that wallet full of cash and gold plated egos shine up nicely with some class don't care how you get it, and you might regret it as soon as things get brighter, you cram your head right up your ass you want to be the one that does the telling what to do so people like yourself will wish that they were you you want it all so bad, no matter what you have can't be satisfied with anything less than more

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I told you I had hugs in storage for you. I told y
Wednesday. 7.28.04 5:41 pm
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this post has soul
Tuesday. 7.27.04 5:50 pm
listening to: Armor For Sleep - Slips like Space
sure, i probably have about 1 reader nowadays, which is okay, because it doesn't bother me that nobody reads the shit i put up here, which it all really is... shit. i've tried to keep myself from putting stuff on here, or on my xanga, or anywhere on the internet, but for some reason, there's comfort to be had to know that its up somewhere, someplace, where it is easily reached by any prying eyes, the bored, the unentertained, whoever, it doesn't matter.

but it comes down to this is for me, and really nobody else. it is a place for me to store my thoughts and expressions of life, and granted the last few posts were nothing more than lyrics from cds i recently obtained (damn good cds too).

a look through my AIM buddy lists makes me realize that i don't know half the people on there anymore. the screennames bring me to a blank when i try to think of the person's face. i know we've met before, but i don't know who you are. oh well. for over a year, i haven't felt the need to talk to very many people anyways. you can't live in high school forever. it seems that my old way of thinking the world is going to end has come true. nothing is as it was and its all really good. its like, a new life, even though i never left town.

going through my old cds is so damn nostalgic and euphoric. its like going through a black hole and coming out the other end as i was a couple years ago. all the old feelings of love and loss and unrequitted and anger and satisfaction... and memories of people i've shared so many good things with, and people i've shared so many bad things with. i hope everyone finds their medium in life, and gets to where they want to be. i want everyone to be happy and smile and think back to the days when we were all together and think 'those were the best days of my life.' but i think i'm asking too much.

anywho... its amazing how much four days of vacation can do for you. going to new orleans was somewhat depressing from the circumstances which led me there, my ill grandfather with liver cancer who is undergoing chemotherapy. sad times, but everything else is going so well and i honestly don't know how things can muck up this time. i guess its all in a task of letting go. yesterday will always be yesterday... and too much time has been spent wishing i could redo yesterday.

eventhough everyday life is pretty uneventful, i wake at the crack of dawn and get ready for work, then leave my house about a quarter to 8 and work until 4:30, then i come home to watch tv, or post here, or listen to music. the sparse calls from my friends don't offer any relief from lonliness, but hey, i asked to be alone. i'm not trying to complain, just coping with the situation at hand.

but i'm making money

and its good money

at least i know i won't be 23 years old with no way to take care of myself.

i am thankful for that.

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